Happy Birthday Clarence!

Morning. Ugh. I'd expand on that greeting, but it's hard to type with a leather jacket on reducing my range of arm motion. You might ask why I don't take the jacket off, but it's like 70 degrees in here according to my thermometer, and I'm pretty sure it's actually colder. It's stupid, but at my job, I always dress warmly because when it's cold outside, they refuse to turn on the heat, and when it's hot outside, they crank up the A/C so high you can see your breath. I hate the cold…grrrrr. I'm disabling the season of winter on the Sims when I get home.

It's not every day that you can tell what the content of one of these posts is going to be for sure based just on the title - it's hard to encompass a story of 15-20 pictures in just a couple of words, but I think I pulled it off smashingly today. Clarence Andrews has been hard at work lately, having recently begun a career on the political track. To this point, he's reached the top of the science, athletic, and slacker tracks, and decided it was time for a change. For the most part, he had all the friends and skill points he needed for promotions, but some of them were a long time coming. Amy knew Clarence had been pretty tired out with the whole work grind, and decided to do something special for his upcoming birthday. Her first official act was to dig out the maid outfit she used to wear back when they first met (when he used to tip her $100 daily to win her affections).


Amy: "There just aren't enough outfits that include a little paper hat..."
When Amy first moved in with Jack, Clarence, and Regina, fresh from being a maid, she and Regina would spend all day inviting people over and entertaining them while Jack and Clarence were at work. One bonus to Amy having been a PC controlled maid is that she showed up to clean at virtually every house I played back in the early days, and she already knew quite a few people she could call up and invite over by the time Clarence married her. Of course, I didn't always realize that she and Clarence were meant for one another, and Clarence wasn't the only one who tried to woo her. Despite being happily married for what seems like ages, the memories of all those shameless passes made by various clients while she was trying to clean still pop up now and then…even on Clarence's birthday...


Amy: "That Leon…he kept the cleanest bathroom I've ever seen..."
Leon Hartman again…what a huge surprise. At any rate, Amy carefully went through their address book and made an invite list, trying hard to avoid inviting any two guests who wouldn't get along with one another (a VERY difficult task these days in the Monkeesim neighborhood). She tried to get a cake for Clarence too, but for some reason known only to the Sims producers, the cake wasn't "useable" since Clarence wasn't a baby becoming a toddler. She didn't let that get to her, though - she just substituted a bottle of champagne instead. And so, Clarence soon arrived home from work to a house full of people and his wife dressed as a maid, and the festivities began…


Amy: "Here's to Clarence…and another excuse to drink lots of booze!"
Leon Hartman was invited along with the other guests. The odd thing about that is I don't think Clarence actually knows Leon at all, Amy just met him while visiting the Hartman house while Clarence was at work. Considering Amy was only allowed to invite like 7 or 8 people to this party, you'd think she'd just have invited people Clarence really knew or liked, but I don't even see Clarence's good friend, Jack Daniels, anywhere in these pictures. Actually, come to think of it, I'm not really sure Clarence personally knew half of the people who came to the party. But maybe she invited Leon over so she could finally compare him to Clarence. Well, the winner of the "hotness" award was no contest this time…


Amy: "I've always appreciated Clarence's sparkly glow!"
Homie D. Klown was one person Clarence actually was acquainted with, as he was the last unrelated house guest to live at the Daniels house before Clarence and Amy moved out. Perhaps he thought he was invited because of his old temporary ties to the family, and indeed, that would have been a good enough reason, but Amy was hoping he'd do what real clowns do, and provide some cheap laughs for the party. For a clown, Homie just isn't very funny most of the time. Funny looking, maybe, but not terribly witty or clever unless being told dirty jokes or playing "punch-you-punch-me" qualifies as either of those. Amy suggested to Homie not so subtly that perhaps he'd like to stop guzzling champagne for five seconds and entertain Clarence instead.


Homie: "Uh…why's the maid telling me what to do?"
Well, Homie decided to take a couple minutes to actually spend a minute or two with the guest of honor. Gee, Homie, don't put yourself out or anything, just because it's Clarence's birthday! He did manage to entertain Clarence, though, so I guess he's not such a crappy clown after all (he's much better than that gosh-awful Chucko the clown from Marty's birthday post). Leon Hartman stood nearby looking on, but he wasn't actually paying attention to Homie, he was thinking of how much he loved some random girl who may or may not have been at the party (he loves everyone, though, remember). Amy seemed to be having second thoughts about having invited Rinoa.


Homie: "Well, right now I just do birthday parties, but I hope to have my own show any day now!"
One thing that Marty's birthday lacked that might have made it a little less crappy was any form of presents. I know you don't usually ask guests to bring one, but it's sort of implied (unless, of course, you inform them of the birthday party five minutes before they're supposed to show up, like Amy did). Well, Amy had the foresight to assume nobody would bring a gift, so she'd prepared in advance. At the right moment, she produced, seemingly out of nowhere, a brand new dog for Clarence. Clarence named him Buddy Love, and they hit it off instantly.


Amy: "…and look…he came with a remote! Here, I'll make him bark..."
Despite the large quantity of strangers present, Clarence had a pretty darn good time at the party (I'm sure the maid outfit didn't hurt either). Everyone left eventually, and still nobody left any sort of present…cheapos. That wasn’t the end of the party, though…you see, that was just Phase 1. Phase 2 came later, when Amy called up all of the werewolves and vampires who were friends of the family. Hahah…I don't know why, but just reading that last sentence, it was so off the wall I couldn't help but laugh. Anyway, the local friendly neighborhood spooks came pouring in, and headed straight to check out Buddy, the new family member.


I don't know what they're thinking of doing, but they'd better not...
Ironically, Clarence is better friends with most of the werewolf and vampire sims who came for his birthday than with the regular crowd that came. That's partly due to his work schedule, though, and working till late at night when all the other visitors were leaving by the time he came home. I'd never have imagined considering werewolves and vampires a good thing, but the sim world is a weird one, where nothing is as it seems. Everyone gathered around for the second round of toasts (or getting toasted, however you want to put it), although this crowd seemed a little confused as to who they were celebrating…


Here's to Alfred…or Amy…or someone...
But I'm being rude here. I'm just assuming everyone remembers who everyone is here at this point in time. I have no idea how good everyone's memory is, so here's a little refresher for you. From left to right below, we have Tommy Wolf, Count Derek Wren, Alfred Witte, and Lucius Wolfenstein. Zondra, Alfred's wife, is around somewhere too, I think she's the one sitting behind Amy with the little Amy thought bubble. It looks like Amy is standing off on her own, while Clarence seems to be heading off to the garage. Meanwhile, everyone else just played video games.


Amy: "Ugh…are you guys playing 'Castlevania' again..?"
As tuckered out as poor little Buddy was after his first day in the new house, he did eventually get up to see what all the commotion was about (those werewolves and vampires are quite the noisy crowd, what with all that "Grrrr"ing and "Bleh"ing). If you ever want to try to confuse a dog, just try bringing them into a new home in the middle of a crazy party as a birthday gift. Then, when they wake up hours later, make sure they're greeted by a bunch of half-wolf and undead guests. If you do try that, getting the new dog will probably be the easy part. Poor Buddy…he looks so confused.


Zondra: "I wonder if he washes his hair with flea shampoo…it's probably rude to ask…"
As you can probably imagine, poor Zondra hasn't had nearly as much outside contact with other sims as Alfred has. After all, he had a long life as a normal human butler in this very house when Amy and Clarence first moved in, and got to hang out with a wide variety of visitors and guests during that time. Zondra moved straight to Alfred's castle when she first came to the Monkeesim neighborhood, and aside from some rare solo visits to "Marty's" or other local spots, she spends most of her time in the castle with Alfred, Lucius, and the *ugh* pets. Chatting with Amy during their evenings together (after that lightweight Clarence is usually in bed) is definitely a high point for her…


Amy: "I just loved beating up that jerk Lawrence Madrox!"
Not all of the night loving folks get along so well. As a matter of fact, Tommy Wolf and Lucius Wolfenstein absolutely hate each other. It might be the fact that Lucius contracted lycanthropy during a visit to Tommy's place at Alfred's request (which was clearly a setup, since Alfred was feeling the need for a werewolf servant in his castle). Maybe they disagreed over who had the right to be a werewolf with the word "wolf" as part or all of their last name. Or maybe it was just a disagreement over who had the cooler hair in werewolf form. It's hard to tell, because werewolves are temperamental creatures. Trust me, dude, I know from experience.


Lucius: "Who are you calling 'dirty fleabag', you dirty fleabag?!"
Well, it just ain't a party unless two werewolves get in a fight, that's what I always say. There may not have been any pink gorilla or Mr T or Drew Carrey or talking mime at this party, but somehow I think that worked in its favor (there is such a thing as trying too hard). It's time to put the Andrews to rest for now, because we'll be picking right back up with them tomorrow. And the day after that. Then after that as well. So get used to them…we're moving in for a while. See you next time!