Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Stormy Weather

Hmmm…how appropriate this title seems and very close to my heart. Oh, and good morning from the sloppiest, muddiest state in the US of A. We've had nothing but rain, rain, and more rain for the past several days, and my entire back yard has turned into a disgusting muddy swamp. Of course, my dog loves it - he loves to get as muddy as possible then run into the house and "filthify" everything he can, and I'm so sick of giving him baths, I'm about ready to puke. Heck, I think he's bathed more recently than I have (okay, so that part isn't true, but it feels that way sometimes). I just need to get in the holiday spirit a little bit more and I'll be fine. Maybe I can build a mudman in my yard when I get home and get in a mudball fight to harness a little holiday cheer.

We had a nice break from tension and drama yesterday with Marty and Kitty's latest outing, and indeed, it had very little impact on their lives or anybody else's. Well, enjoy THAT while you can, because things are going to start taking on a very soap opera type flavor for the next several posts…which wasn't my original intent, but life can't always be lazy and carefree. You don't mind, though right? Well, anyway, when we kick things off, we find Antonio Wilson and Aimee Andrews (recently engaged) dancing to the radio outside their house. This was a new addition to the regular Wilson routine of drinking from the bar then getting in the hot tub over and over and over. That Antonio…he thinks of everything...

Antonio: "All we ever do now is dance…and I'm lovin' it!"

Well, treasure that happy moment, because it's the last recorded picture of the family in that house. See, shortly after, the house developed a bug problem. No, I'm not talking about roaches, I mean suddenly everyone refused to go up or down the stairs, and considering the house had three stories, that was kind of a problem. Guests were stuck on the top floor in desperate need of a bath, and there was no way to get them out of there without cheating. It was a mess. And so, with a heavy heart, the family packed up all their crap that was worth taking, sold the rest, and moved into the cheapest available house in the neighborhood. The new house sucks logistically, and I hate it…and so does the family by extension. It's architectural vomit, and we hate it.

Antonio: "This house sucks. Somebody kill me please."

Guests came from across the street to welcome the Wilsons to the neighborhood. That, or they wanted to get a first hand look at who would be crazy enough to move into such an awful, horrible house. The family did their best to redecorate, which turned it into an awful, horrible house with new carpet and wallpaper. Nobody was really in any mood to entertain company, but they let them in anyway, because misery loves company. Well, this was some company alright…it was none other than Criminal Underground Secret Service (C.U.S.S.) agents Lawrence and Reeve Madrox. You may remember Lawrence from the Captain Hero post, when he started trouble at "Marty's" and got his butt kicked. Well, trouble is their business, and it wasn't long before Lawrence irritated Mia Kay with some inappropriate comments. Mia Kay didn't have the body points to personally teach him a lesson, so she opted for the passive-aggressive approach…

Mia Kay: "I'm about to rain on your parade, you @#$%!"

Well, a little rain might not seem like a very serious punishment for angering somebody, but there was more to it than that. See, it was the season of Spring at the Wilson house, which usually means some pretty bad storms. Mia Kay knew this, obviously, and although it seemed the chances were slim that the storm would focus on the one sim she was really mad at, sometimes life is just that kind. Well, I'm not sure I'd call it kind, but the point is that it was only a moment or two before a searing bolt of lightning came from the heavens to smite Lawrence as he soaked in the hot tub. Strangely, Reeve seemed unaffected, despite his close proximity.

Reeve: "Lightning never strikes the same place twice…you should be 'safe' now..."

Well, that's all good and fine in theory, but apparently not true. At first, the only affect was that Lawrence grew some hair and looked really mad. Then he got out of the hot tub and looked really dead. He got struck by lightning a second time the moment he got out, as if he hadn't gotten the message the first time. Although he and Lawrence only met a short while before, and Mia Kay wasn't a big Lawrence fan, Antonio felt it was just common courtesy for him to plead with the reaper when he showed up. After all, failure to do so would just mean a body buried in the back yard, and that was the LAST thing the house everyone hated so badly needed. Mia Kay stood by and looked amused. Alicia, another visitor, stood nearby with a water balloon…just in case…

Alicia: "If the pleading doesn't work, I'll threaten him with this balloon..."

Your luck is already pretty bad when a person gets struck by lightning on your property twice in the course of a minute. Well, hang tight, because it got even worse, before the reaper had even finished his business. Austyn Strange, another visitor to the house, decided the coast was clear, and jumped into the hot tub. Someone upstairs in the sim world didn't want folks in the tub it seems, because a bolt shot from the sky and nailed Austyn. You'd think there would be a subtly developing message here for the sims of the house - the hot tub is DANGEROUS when it rains. Well, the risk of bursting into flames from sitting in there too long doesn't keep them out, so some lousy lightning wasn't going to do it either.

Alicia: "Forget what's in his hand…can you guess what's in MY hand?"

I haven't had a whole lot of experience with it at the time, but I think only one sim can die on a lot at a time, no matter what the cause (I witnessed it later with a huge fire where after one sim died, the other were magically extinguished). Whether or not this is why Austyn wasn't struck a second time, I don't know, but he managed to get off just looking a little (okay, a lot) charred. He did at least get the message though, which is more than I can say for the rest of the household. He didn't even stick around to see if poor Lawrence got to come back or not. Well, he would have been disappointed, because either Antonio sucks at the pleading thing, or his relationship with Lawrence wasn't good enough, but the reaper gave him the thumbs down, and Lawrence was toast (even more so than before).

Austyn: "This might actually be a pretty cool look for me…except for the charred underwear..."

Well, seeing as how the storm had caused the death of one sim and the disfigurement of another, everyone went inside where it was safe and locked the doors and quietly read to pass the time. Oh, wait…no they didn't. Sorry, I'm thinking of a different family who has some common sense. Actually, everyone stayed outside and continued their stupid water balloon fighting, which was dumb enough. Now, the dumbest of all…Antonio actually GOT IN the hot tub, after just having witnessed the death of another sim in the very same tub. I know right now you think you know what happens next, but at the same time, are debating if it does because the odds of it happening would just be too ridiculous. Well, it did. Somewhere in the broiling water in the picture below is the brainless body of Antonio.

Antonio: "Wow! I sure didn't see THAT coming!"

Everyone was quite relieved to see Antonio emerge from the tub more or less intact. There seems to be some natural law in the sim world that says "no dead bodies allowed in the hot tub", meaning even if a sim is dead, they have to get out first to finalize the deal. If none of the Wilson family figured it out, I was at least learning a valuable lesson about where lightning likes to strike, and by this point, I'd decided to intervene and make sure nobody else got in the hot tub. A little late, perhaps, but as I've said before, I prefer to let my sims do their own thing so long as they're not altering the very fabric of the universe. Antonio seemed to have learned his lesson properly, and actually gotten an improved hairstyle in the process…

Antonio: "Here's a thought…turn off the @#$ weather machine!"

Well, okay, I might have jumped the gun. Antonio did make it as far as to get out of the tub and circle around it a little, but alas, the heavens had more abuse yet to be heaped upon him. He hadn't yet made it past the orange tree when he was struck again. A sim can only take so much voltage to the old ticker (and bladder), and that was it for Antonio. Everybody just stood around and looked a little confused for a moment as to what had happened. Heck, you'd think they'd be familiar with the process by now. It seems the odds of someone getting struck by lightning in your backyard during a rainstorm are now about as good as the chances of getting stuck in traffic when you're in a big rush to get somewhere. In other words, about 100%.

Antonio: "Okay, okay...I get the message!"

Well, here's the really astonishing part - despite having lived with his niece Katrina and her friend Mia Kay for some time now, Antonio is just sort of friends with the girls. They get along fine, but concern suddenly arose as to whether the reaper would be impressed enough with their relationship score with him to bring him back (still not sure if that actually has any impact or not). A good argument to make friends with the folks you live with, don't you think? Luckily, at just the right moment, Aimee came home from a tough day at the hospital. Nice…she spends all day at work helping sick and dying people, only to come home to find one in her own backyard.

Reeve: "You're a doctor? Can't you just do some CPR or something?"

Well, I had a breathless moment waiting to see if the reaper was in a better mood than he'd been in before. Even though Antonio hasn't accomplished much in life since coming to the Monkeesim neighborhood, I do like him as a sim, and wasn't ready to see the end of him. Luckily, I didn't have to. Aimee was much better at pleading than Antonio was, and the reaper decided to give Antonio a second chance and see if he did any better the second time around. While I wouldn't place any bets on the overall success of his life in the future, I'd be willing to bet he'll stay out of any hot tubs for a while especially during rain storms. So anyway, Antonio was returned, slightly toasted, but overall, none the worse for wear.

Aimee: "Hmmm…I love you, but kissing you is a little like licking an ashtray right now!"

Mia Kay finally had the sense to turn off the rain storm she'd begun, after having killed two people and maimed a third. Unfortunately, I think the whole experience taught her that revenge DOES pay, and if people tick you off, you can always smite them with bolts of wrath from above (at the cost of a couple friends and family, but that's such a small price to pay). All things considered, it was a small victory for the Monkeesim neighborhood, being rid of yet another vile C.U.S.S. agent. Still, killing your neighbors, no matter how indirectly, is just never good practice (not to mention terribly impolite). Katrina decided once the whole mess was over that she was taking no chances with mother nature, and stayed indoors.

Katrina: "I don't care if it's not raining…I'm never leaving this bed!"

Aside from the body buried in the back yard, all was well once again, for the moment, anyway. It all seemed to be well. Antonio made sure to call up Austyn and invite him over for a visit so he could make sure he'd recovered more or less from his brush with death (he assured him, of course, that there would be neither rain or hot tubs involved in the visit if he were to stop over again). Austyn did come by, and he did seem to have returned to normal (if you can call that suit of his normal). Of course, he expected there would be something more to Antonio's invitation than just a quick inspection to see if Austyn was okay, but Antonio just played on the computer the whole time.

Antonio: "Sort of creeping me out there, dude..."

That was just the very first day in the horrible house that everyone hates. Just imagine if they hated it before how they feel about it with a tombstone out back now. Let this serve as a lesson to anyone who ever decides to drop in on people who aren't in the mood for company - they might change the weather and fry you if you rub them the wrong way (based on her apparent no-dating policy, I don't think Mia Kay likes being rubbed at all). Join us next time when we peek in on the Andrews family as they encounter some much less unfortunate turns of events. For now, I'm off. I've got to start planning how I can use "Open For Business" to give Moon Dawg a nice gnome stand in his front yard…


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