Love, Or Something Like It

Whew...what a long day this is going to be...since I went home earlier this week, I now get to make up the two hours that I missed by working ten hours today! Oh, joy! Oh, well...there's a price for getting to get out of work early, and I knew it when I did it, it was just easy to forget about it when I was actually enjoying the free time...time to pay the piper!

It's no secret that Leon Jackson considers himself a "Ladies Man". It's also no secret that he's not nearly as cool as he thinks he is, as he's had little more than a single date since he first appeared in the posts, and got the brush-off several times afterward from the same girl. Steve, who doesn't appear to have much game at all has gotten a lot more attention from the ladies than Leon has, but he hasn't made much of the opportunities so far. Perhaps he just doesn't know how. "Moon Dawg", as usual, is cool with life, just doing his own thing, regardless of who's paying attention to him. What a guy...

When we join the Jacksons again, we find Leon has finally gotten around to talking to Brooke, after inviting her over and ignoring her for a long time. Leon may not be a great ladies man, but he does still have his sense of priorities, and the ladies come first. Steve looks on, somewhat jealous that Leon has a girl and he doesn't.

Brooke: "So, you wanna' make out?"

Stu and Keri Miller were still hanging around, taking advantage of the various activities available around the house. Eventually, they had their fill, though, and decided to do a little smooching instead...and not in a polite or subtle way, either. Like three times in a row, Keri grabbed Stu and gave him fiery smooches...if those two ever quit, someone really needs to give them a quick lesson in public decency (not that the Jacksons are real experts on the subject).

Leon: "You guys are going to get chapped lips if you keep that up!"

Well, Steve eventually decided he'd had enough of being the odd man out with nobody to call his own. Using his ever increasing chemistry know-how, he added some red food coloring and a little of this and that to the potion he was currently working on, in the hopes of creating a potent love tonic. I guess when you've got next to nothing else going for you, it never hurts to try new things.

Steve: "It's either a powerful love potion, or I just reinvented cherry Kool-Aid!"

Steve chugged the concoction, and it definitely was not cherry Kool-Aid. Moments later, Doris Somebody, one of the foremost stars from Studio Town, appeared in the rec room, madly in love with Steve. Steve, in turn, was madly in love with her, but that's far less of an accomplishment than you might think. Steve been known to fall madly in love with the girl at the Taco Bell counter in the time it takes her to ring up his order.

At least somebody besides Matt showed up this time...that would just have been weird...

As you might have guessed, Steve took advantage of the situation. Sure, he'd never met Doris before, and sure, they've never even so much as spoken a word to each other, but why let something like that stand in the way of true love? She was kind of cute and mad about Steve, and he was mad about any woman willing to pay attention to him, so things worked out perfectly.

Steve: "Hey...it's not like this is an everyday occurrence for me..."

Well, that wasn't all. When I said Steve took advantage of the situation, I meant he took full advantage of it. Next thing you know, he was down on one knee, popping the question to this girl he met five minutes ago. For all he knows, she's a shoplifter or drug addict or is mean to small furry animals, but Steve was unconcerned with the risks. To him, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity (unless he got shot down, which wasn't so uncommon).

Steve: "I know it's just my class ring, but things are kind of tight right now..."

Oddly, she accepted the proposal. Apparently, that potion has some powerful, long-lasting delusional effects. Whatever the case, the couple quickly said their vows over by the big screen TV, with Leon as the lone witness. That was it...no Steve the bachelor...now it's Steve the husband. Hoo, boy...

Leon: "Marriage? Dude, you just broke the cardinal rule of being a 'ladies man'!"

Throughout all this, "Moon Dawg" was still out front, cranking out an army of gnomes, even though it was well into the evening. He was either expecting a really huge crowd of buyers the following morning, or was planning on shipping them off somewhere himself. Whatever the case, he missed all of the excitement because of his determination to save the family (now plus one more member) from poverty.

Kareem: "We're gonna' need a bigger lawn, mon!"

However, "Moon Dawg" was no longer the only one prepared to bring money to the family. Doris, being a Celebrity, was preparing to head off to Studio Town to bring home heaps of cash for the family. See? One of Steve's potions did wind up helping them financially...and none of the original family members even had to get a real job...can you beat that?

Doris: "I should start having them pick me up somewhere where they can't see this house!"

Apparently Doris is a famous swimwear model...at least that's the fast and easy money making fame task I had her perform over and over till exhaustion. She did manage to make about $800 in just a couple of minutes, the equivalent of eight time consuming gnomes. Eat your heart out, "Moon Dawg"!

Andy Warhol: "That's it...now do the 'robot'!"

One issue the family (or Steve at least) had overlooked and failed to do anything about was the fact that there were only three beds, the double one belonging to Leon. Doris, being a star and all, insisted on sleeping in Leon's bed (sans Leon) when she returned home from work on the brink of collapse. Leon may not have liked this, but he had little to say about it, especially since it was the middle of the day, and he wasn't planning on sleeping any time soon anyway.

Doris: "Why do these sheets smell like piña colada?"

Well, Steve hated to see anyone come home from work so exhausted that they slept the day away (something he never experienced himself), especially when it was his wife, since he was no longer allowed to flirt with other women. It wasn't long before he'd mixed up a batch of his blue brew, and nudged Doris in the direction of the chemistry set.

Doris: "What is this, blue Kool-Aid?"

That did the trick, and before long, the couple was sitting down to a nice quiet dinner...or lunch...or whatever meal it was (time of day means nothing around the Jackson house). Apparently, Doris is quite the cook, which means Leon doesn't have to do all the work around the kitchen. Wow...everybody wins!

Doris: "I still say we should have ordered a pizza..."

What's this? Is the Jackson family settling down and starting a normal, domesticated life? Hah...don't bet on it...more than likely, Doris will just become a part of the insanity like the rest of the family. You know those actor types...they may try to pass themselves off as just like us, but inside, they're wild and crazy party animals! Whew...I'm pretty much just rambling now...I think it's time to go. Just three more hours left to go!