I Burn For You

Hello, all you crazy, crazy people! And all you normal people too, for those of you who don't want to be classified as crazy (I personally take it as a compliment). It's a crisp, cool evening out as I begin to write this, although most likely I'll be finishing it in the morning. Why do you care about that little detail? You don't…it's just me rambling and forcibly putting useless information in your head, as if we don't get enough of that from television as it is (I don't - I haven't had any TV channels for close to 5 years now, just videos and DVD's). Oh, crap…like you needed to know that, too. I'm on a roll.

The title for today's excursion de la ville actually sort of has a double meaning, and there are some common factors to the different incidents we shall bear witness to. Mostly, I was just really tired when I picked it and it seemed to make sense at the time. If you don't get any of that, don't feel bad. Anyway, our first segment comes from none other than the Jackson home at Pimp Harbor. Leon has had some bad luck with the ladies lately (to put it very, very mildly), but through it all, he's developed and maintained a romantic relationship with his maid, Debbie Kearney. Now, Leon is no fool, and he knows that when you bring a maid into your family, they come with maxed out cleaning points and lots of other skills, so he decided to save himself the daily cleaning bill, and asked Debbie to move in with him. Well, Leon is such a stud, so of course she said yes…all those $100 tips from when she was just a maid probably didn't hurt either.


Leon: "She cleans for free now AND makes drinks? Oh, Leon, you are a true genius!"
Yeah, Leon was pretty pleased with himself. He didn't think to cancel the cleaning service, assuming Debbie was the only maid in town, and was surprised when Brittany Tan, an almost identical maid, showed up the next day and charged him to clean his boat (the actual boat he lives on, that's not some kind of derogatory lingo). Oops. At any rate, Leon decided he and Debbie ought to cement their relationship further by getting off the boat for a while and seeing some of the local sights. After all, it would be a shame if their relationship were based on her simply being under the influence of his incredibly romantic love boat. They headed off to Woodland Heights, a nice little rustic spot where someone died of being struck by lightning almost immediately after the couple arrived.


Talk about roughing it…or maybe not..."
On a side note, I designed Woodland Heights trying to make it a nice little resort looking area with a rugged feel to it, but in the end, it wound up having a pretty elaborate gift shop/restaurant, outdoor bar, pool, hot tub, and a bunch of other stuff that took away from the rugged feel just the tiniest bit. Oh, well. You just can't have a commercial lot without having a hot tub somewhere on the property - it just can't be done (well, with the exception of Marty's, but that's a special case). Leon and Debbie jumped in the tub, and Debbie rebuffed Leon's romantic advances for the most part. Guess Leon's just going to have to forget about that "hot tub woo-woo" aspiration of his for now…


Debbie: "Sorry, pal…no 'boom-boom' until you're the groom!"
Tough luck there, Leon…looks like she's playing hard to get now that you're in a serious relationship (well, she just moved in, but that’s pretty serious for Leon). Luckily, Leon was in it for the long haul (or so it seems at the moment, no promises) and really loves blondes and maid uniforms. And so, the couple still managed to have a good time, even without the down and dirty. It started raining at the resort again, which it seems to do quite frequently, and Leon and Debbie decided it was a great time to dance by the outdoor bar. I guess they're already all wet, so a little dancing in the rain can't make things any worse.


Oogy oogy ooh, aga oogy ooh ooh…
Well, things seem to be going well for those two - much better than could be expected given Leon's fickle feelings when it comes to women. Clarence Andrews managed to make a nice life for himself with his former maid, Amy Andrews, so maybe we'll see a repeat of that. We'll leave them be while things are all good and fine, and see what's up at the Hartman house. Last time, Tommy Wolf and Rinoa Hartman had gotten together again as a couple for the third time, and that hasn't changed since then. What of poor Leon? Well, one day, Claire Redmond, one of Rinoa's friends from town came looking for Rinoa, and Leon spotted her wandering outside the house. The attraction was instant and undeniable (and one sided, I might add).


Leon: "Mmmm…I do love me blondes!"
Leon has no real job, and there aren't a ton of ways for him to amuse himself around the house, which might explain why his favorite hobby is playing "pick up chicks". I'm telling you, there's something about the guys named Leon in the Monkeesim neighborhood…all the girls swoon over them and they swoon over all the girls, and it has nothing to do with the way I designed them (not that I'm aware of, anyhow). Both of the Leon's have great chemistry with most of the girls, too, which is why Leon H. and Claire were smooching after she'd only been in the house for about five minutes.


Leon: "Hmmm…is that cherry flavored lip gloss?"
It's not terribly uncommon for Leon to make out with a visitor and then make little of it later, but this time, things were different. Yes, Leon wandered off to his little easel out back and painted a stunning likeness of Claire from memory, which promptly found it's way onto the "wall of Leon's chicks". I think it's funny that the sims in the game don't really acknowledge the content of custom paintings. Rinoa's never been bothered by Leon having two paintings of her up in his room, one of her in a swimsuit, and Kitty's never complained about her swimsuit pic over his bed, despite having walked through his room since it was hung. I know art is objective, but I don't think that applies to ALL art…


These paintings will be worth a fortune when Leon is dead...
Leon originally began painting so he could contribute money from his art work to help with rent and food and stuff. Instead, he paints pictures of chicks and doesn't sell them, contributing nothing. Nice. Well, Rinoa was too busy with Tommy to care about stuff like rent and food money, which works out well for Leon, especially since he's definitely not in love with Rinoa. This was made clear when things got a little too hot in the hot tub for her and Tommy, and the tub caught on fire. Tommy was promptly set ablaze, and for a moment, it looked like nobody was going to do anything about it but jump around crying about the fire…notice Debbie Kearney is one of the folks jumping around excitedly here. Rinoa is kind of just walking away...


Tommy: "Gaah! I just bought these pants!"
Tommy already burned to death once, if you'll recall, in a freak weight bench accident. It looked like it might happen a second time, until Leon pulled a fire extinguisher out of his pants and leapt to the rescue. Now, clearly, if Leon still had a crush on Rinoa, he'd have let Tommy burn into a smoldering pile of crap and let the Reaper do his thing, but he didn't, and that seems to say it all. That Tommy…despite having been infected with lycanthropy, dumped twice by his girl and killed once, he's one lucky son of a gun. I just can't imagine Tommy not being a werewolf, so if he wants to be cured of that, he'll get no help from me…heheh…


Leon: "Hang on, hot tub! I'm not gonna' lose you!"
Alas, Tommy survived another near death experience, and all was well once again (besides stinking to high heaven from the fire and having to promptly leave to go bathe). Whew…glad to know we can all rest easy now. Good thing, too, because it's time to depart this happy scene and move on over to the Andrews house to see what's cooking. Well, that's pretty much a given at their house - it's always either bass, catfish, or trout for every possible meal. Sure, you can't prepare fish for breakfast, but if you make a big platter of it the night before, it's easy to get around that. I'm amazed these people haven't turned into "fish sims" after eating so much of it - and it's always sparkly…


Vyn: "Radioactive glowing fish again…yummy!"
Well, some fish are just too cool to be eaten, and Clarence mounted a huge catfish on the wall above the sink and a jumbo bass over the stove, not realizing the mistake he was making in doing so. One evening, when Amy was preparing the catfish for breakfast the next morning, disaster struck. She went to answer the phone after she'd started the food cooking, and when she returned, the stove burst into flames. It sort of looks like it's exploding in the picture below and sending her flying back. Good thing that obnoxious buffet table was there to stop her from flying too far.


Amy: "It's supposed to be 'blackened' catfish, but this is ridiculous!"
Amy tried to battle the blaze for a bit on her own, but the cramped design of the kitchen gave the flames plenty of things to catch on fire before she could douse them all. Where's the fire department, you ask? Well, that's where Clarence comes in - when he mounted his bass over the stove, he took down the smoke detector to make room for it, and never bothered to put the detector up again. He also didn't bother to help with the fire - he was in the bedroom, too engrossed in his studies to care about his wife in mortal danger.


Clarence: "Hmmm…so a Hefty bag can be used as an alternative car windshield in case of emergency... "
Well, the Andrews family apparently needs to stop using all those flammable spray cleaners in their kitchen, because the fire spread like crazy, all the way to the living room. Oh, and Amy caught on fire too. She pretty much stopped trying to extinguish the blazes around her when that happened, and just started jumping around. Now, I'd told Clarence a long time ago to go help her put the fire out, but for some reason, he hadn't shown yet. It was then that I realized that he had the action queued, but it wasn't going to happen while he was still reading. Replacing the furniture wouldn't be that huge an issue, but finding a replacement wife (especially one with as many family friends as Amy has) would be a bit trickier


Amy: "Ooh…hey, that kind of burns!"
Well, I directed Clarence to put down the damn book and go save Amy's life, and this time, he managed to tear himself away long enough to comply. Things weren't looking very hopeful by this point, and I was fearing a meeting with the Reaper would be forthcoming. Miraculously, Amy managed to get the fire on herself to go out briefly before catching fire again, giving Clarence just the time he needed to battle his way to her and extinguish the blaze once and for all.


Clarence: "Sorry, babe…I just couldn't pull myself away from that last chapter on duct tape!"
Aside from a totally destroyed kitchen and partially charred living room (and the tragic loss of the blackened catfish, of course), Amy and Clarence came through the incident unscathed (but like Tommy, totally reeking of burned stuff). I guess I found the whole incident a lot more traumatic than they did. It was looking for a minute like Amy was going to burn to death before Clarence had a clear path to where the Reaper would have appeared, and THAT would have sucked. Let us redirect our attention from all these sims falling in love or catching fire for a moment to a different part of the neighborhood, the abandoned public pool…


Oddly enough, there's no such thing as a non-abandoned public pool in town...
If you were thinking that this is a community lot, you'd be wrong about that. This is actually a residential dwelling now, the home of Shaggy and Scooby Rogers. Now, some spoiled types might consider an abandoned pool a gross place to live, but not Shag and Scoob. They're peace loving, easy going hippy types with just one thing on their minds. You guessed it…embezzlement! Wait…I meant food! Well, that, and a place to sleep indoors at night so they don't freeze to death, but that's something of a secondary concern if you ask me.


Shaggy: "Like, don't tell me you ate all the Scooby Snacks!"
While the property itself isn't enormous, there's still plenty to do during the day at an abandoned pool. For starters, there's swimming obviously. The water sure does look nice and clear despite not having a paid staff to take care of it, but I guess that's just Shaggy's extensive water treatment background at work. Those visitors not interested in getting wet seem to favor the swing set. This place is the land of cheap thrills if I've ever seen it. Notice the visitor on the swing in this pic is Debbie Kearney. She's determined to get her face in as many pictures as possible in this post…


Shaggy: "So, like, if I push you, will you clean this place up for me?"
Last, but definitely not least, the food for the place comes from the little eating area off to the side by the outdoor barbecue grill. Shag and Scoob sure love their hotdogs…for every meal. Sure, Shaggy has to eat like five or six of them at each sitting just to get full, but since when doesn't he love eating? Granted, he'd be better off if he could salvage a bookcase from somewhere and learn a couple of new recipes, but that would interfere with the life of fun and freedom, and isn't that what living at an abandoned pool is all about?


Shaggy: "Are you sure you don't have a cook book on you anywhere?"
Oh, and if you're wondering where Shaggy sleeps to stay safe from the elements, there's a poolside chaise stuck inside the men's bathroom, upon which he sleeps comfortably each night. To this day, he's unable to figure out what's in the girls bathroom, since he can't get through the door. Anyway, that's about all there is to say about Shag and his poolside paradise. There won't be another post here until next Monday at the soonest, so everyone have a great Thanksgiving! If you're a turkey and you're reading this, well, all I can say is sorry, but you knew this was coming, and you had all year to find a good hiding place.

Next time on Monkeesims…an old crush leads to a vicious love triangle, resulting in the death of one of our well known sims! And it only gets crazier from there…don't miss it! :-)