Pirate About Town

Hey, hey, hey, welcome to another episode of Fat Alb…er…Monkeesims! It's a glorious and freezing cold morning here, and I just burned my tongue on coffee, so I can't wait to get started with this post! Actually, I'm on break at work, so it's not all that glorious (voluntary Saturday, and there are like two other people here out of nearly 300…doh!).

Today we're going to try to talk about the Daniels family. I say "try" because of all the families in the neighborhood, they've had the least going for them recently. Before we touch on them, though (dirty), I'd like to take a moment to recognize three "elder sims" who didn't quite make it into any of my posts before their untimely departure. The first is Old Codger, who was a guest at the Daniels house for a while before dying of unknown causes (he was last seen fighting the Social Bunny, then a day or so later his gravestone was found behind the house). Then, we have Felmer McNugget. He was doing okay staying with the Daniels family, but his greatest aspiration was to become a werewolf, and when Clarence transformed him, he went to get some food, was scared by a ghost, and starved to death when his hunger need dropped too low as a result. The last is Alfred Witte. I made Alfred an unfriendly neat freak and moved him into the Andrews house as a "free maid/butler" when Amy and Clarence first left the Daniels house, and Amy bit him during her brief stint as a vampire. Alfred is a vampire too now, but as you can see, he looks nothing like he once did.


The elder sims, an unlucky bunch...
Anyway, the Daniels. As I mentioned before, it started with Jack Daniels and Clarence Andrews living together in their large house, when Jack proceeded to marry Regina. They accidentally adopted a child while trying to order a pizza, and little Vyn came along (is that a real name?). Clarence and Amy moved out because things were starting to get too crowded, and it's been just Jack, Regina, and Vyn ever since. Oh, and Jack has gone into politics, on his way to becoming a dread politician instead of a dread pirate. Pretty much your average, everyday, ordinary family...


Jack: "Oh, stop it...you're simply dreadful…tee hee…"
The Daniels house started out as one of the pre-built houses in the neighborhood, but it bears little similarity to the way it once was now after frequent expansion to try to accommodate more people. There were two beds to start with, and when Jack got married and Vyn came along, Clarence was forced to sleep in a recliner in the "clubhouse" out back. However, when Clarence married Amy, the second story was added to the house, and the clubhouse was used to house guests like Old Codger (rest his sim soul). Vyn's room was eventually added to the side of the house on the second story, hovering precariously over the hot tub where most everyone spends their time.


It's no pirate ship, but it's home...
I've never been known to have the best decorating skills, but compared to some of the houses in the neighborhood, like the Jones house, the Daniels home is probably one of my better ones (the best probably being the Andrews place). Undeniably, one of the best features of the Daniels house is the view of the back yard from the second story window, serving as a constant reminder of the house's less than glamorous history.


Concrete landscaping at it's very best.
While I like the house and all, I'm really a big fan of the "clubhouse" I mentioned. Rumor has it that when the house was first built, it was used to "house" less popular visiting sims, and used to just feature a fridge, toilet, chair, barbecue, and nothing more. It was remodeled after burglar Jenna Boyle died in a freak fire in said clubhouse. Of course, this was surely just accidental, and had nothing to do with the fact that Matt Martin introduced Jenna to Jack shortly after she robbed Matt so she would agree to visit Jack's house. Sometimes crap just happens, right?


Mask: "Can someone change the channel for me? I don't have any hands!"
Jack and family lived pretty reclusive lives for the most part. Sure, guests came over, and sure, sometimes they left alive, but generally, the family occupied itself with activities around the house. The piano was probably the most popular item of all, followed by the hot tub, then the telescope. Now, I don't have any problem with the telescope itself, but when my sims are wandering out to use it at all hours, I tend to get a little freaked out. For Jack especially. He has issues enough as it is. The last thing he needs is a "probing" like Bobby Miller got with an alien offspring to top it off (Vyn is weird enough sometimes).


Jack: "Aarrr! Taxi off the port bow, mateys!"
Eventually, Jack decided to go on a journey to find his old friend, Clarence, who he'd heard very little from since the two parted ways as roommates. See, Jack has very few friends to begin with, so every one of them counts. Plus, it's hard to find sims as grouchy and unfriendly by nature as Clarence and Jack, and that was always their common bond. And so, rather than venture off into the much more expansive Downtown, Jack opted to head to the Freetime Lounge to see if Clarence was there. He wasn't at the moment, so Jack decided to pass the time with a drink or two…


Jack: "Whiskey? Why is the rum always gone?"
Well, after a few drinks, Jack managed to forget about Clarence entirely. There was just too much to see at the lounge to worry about boring things like friendship. Not that Jack would be able to tell, but the club had recently remodeled, and had added a card table and karaoke machine, replaced the stereo on the dance floor with live music and a DJ, and piped salsa into the bathrooms (the music, not the food). It was all new to Jack, though, and he wandered about, taking in the sights.


Jack: "Nobody should be allowed to have that hair…and live!"
The wonderful thing about the world of the sims is that building your skills with one item, say the piano for example, automatically means you're good at all related activities, i.e. painting, karaoke, etc. Thus, despite never having owned a DJ booth before or even a record player, Jack was able to shove the DJ with the bad hair aside and start spinning records himself. I guess I shouldn't say he's never owned a record player - there could have been one on his ship during his dread pirate days, but that's all speculation, so who really cares?


Talk about your "pirated records"...
Strangely, the dance floor cleared pretty quickly when Jack started scratching the vinyl. Actually, that seems to happen no matter who I have work the DJ booth, no matter how talented they are. I guess if you don't have bad hair and a jumpsuit, your music doesn't sound as good. Jack at least has the bad hair part down, so the jumpsuit must be key. Whatever the reason, Jack grew tired of playing music for his own enjoyment (despite the fact he was making $35 every couple seconds just for doing it) and decided it was time for a little pirate style crooning on the old karaoke machine. Man, sims love those things.


Jack performs his R&B rendition of "What do you do with a drunken sailor?"
If Jack has ever had any adventures as a pirate, clearly this isn't one of his greatest. Now you can see why I don't feel inspired to cover his antics quite as much since he shaped up and got married and quit accidentally offing people at his house. It's just a shame I never thought to pull out my camera while all that was happening originally, but Jack is probably better off without photo evidence of such things anyway. As future mayor candidate, who needs the potential scandal?

Anywho, stay tuned as we drop in on the Andrews family in "Creatures of the Night: Part I". I know the werewolves and vampires seem to be a constant theme of these posts, but I swear, it's not intentional. There's just no possessed clown doll this time around to liven things up, and I guess they feel the need to fill that void. Farewell for now!