Hey, Hey, It's the Millers!

Welcome back, everyone, to what will probably be the last real post here for a while before we undergo a bit of a break (I know it sucks, but that real life stuff has left me no choice). You must admit, we've had a pretty good run here since the beginning of MonkeeSims, and if you haven't appreciated the quality, at very least give me props for quantity...over seventy-five posts in six months. Actually, quantity was never really my goal, and I never let a post that totally sucked make it up on the page. Anyway...

I promised a post of "epic proportions" in this spot, and after reviewing the material, I'm not sure if that definition actually applies or not. Maybe it's not epic, but it should be pretty cool. Hey, why am I wasting your time describing it when the material is right down below this paragraph? I do promise you one thing - no depressing decline of family structure or random pictures of bartender Waylon. No, this post is about none other than another one of Stu's oh, so grand schemes he's so fond of.

When last we were with the Millers, they'd just finished up a long vacation, and things were pretty much back to normal (with the exception of Deana's Jenny Pig she brought home). Normal is not always a good thing. Actually, sometimes it's rather disturbing. Take the picture below, for instance. When I was looking at Bobby sitting in his underwear in the dark watching TV and Peter playing on the computer ignoring the swarm of flies next to the dirty cat box, I first laughed to myself. Well, once I realized how closely this depicted aspects of my own life not too long ago (I no longer own a cat, thankfully), I wasn't laughing anymore, and felt a great sense of empathy for these poor sims. Something had to be done to liven things up, and only Stu could figure out what...


Bobby: "A dirty litter box and TV in the dark...does it get any better than this?"
Well, Stu set about trying to figure out a way to bring the family together...in a constructive way. Stu thought back to when Keri has been trying to learn the electric guitar, and it occurred to him that maybe the family could join together in a constructive, creative project, with him as the center of it all (of course). Well, Stu may not be a total genius, but he does have a fair amount of money, and so, he quickly set about building a stage next to the house, complete with microphone, drums, electric guitar, and veiled backdrop...ooh...suspenseful!

Stu: "Dudes, this is going to be HUGE...I can feel it!"
And so, under the cover of darkness, the family toiled endlessly making arrangements for Stu's big mystery event. Stu employed Peter's carpentry abilities and had him lay down some wood planks for the stage and folding chairs for the seating, while Stu fine tuned the sound system and instruments. Stu must have gotten tired of having extra money, because the entire setup was costing him a pretty penny. In addition to the stage and its equipment, he also bought on outdoor bar and buffet table. Can't have any sort of event without free food and booze, I guess.

Stu: "Bobby, if you wouldn't mind pulling yourself away from drum practice for five seconds, we might actually get this finished!"
Yes, Stu had come up with a grand plan indeed. In case you hadn't figured it out yet, he'd decided to unify the family using their individual musical talents. Stu appointed himself lead singer, put Bobby on the drums, and let Keri handle the electric guitar. Of course, there was no way they could be a proper band wearing their regular day to day clothes (especially since they never change them, and they're probably pretty dirty). Stu decided to consult the wisdom of the "costume" trunk, and see what it decided the band members should wear.

Keri: "Gee...this is nice and revealing...why don't I just go up on stage naked?"
After attempting to dress the part of a rock band (and dressing way too young for their age), the gang started making the final preparations for the "big show." Stu had decided to waste no time, and scheduled the band's opening performance for the day after they started putting things together. Early that morning, anticipation was high, and Stu fortified his courage with a nice round at the bar at 5 in the morning. That's a great idea, guys...spend all night setting things up and practicing so you can be nice and worn out the following day.

Stu: "Orange juice is just no good without a little vodka in it..."
Well, the very next day, the MonkeeSim neighborhood celebrated the opening of the "Stu Miller Band." Peter was placed in charges of "PR", and hit the phones, trying to phone up anyone he could to invite to the show (with little success, I might add). Deana was employed as "manager" for the band, since there wasn't anything else for her to do really (she just had to "manage" to stay out of the way while everyone did their thing). Folks showed up, but as you can see, there was just as much interest in the buffet and booze line as there was in the band itself.

Deana: "I think what I love best about Stu is his incredible modesty..."
The cats kept leaving dead mice on the stage during the show, probably as a message to their owners that they'd developed a bit of a rodent problem (hardly the time or the place to worry about such trivial matters). Maybe the felines were feeling left out since they hadn't been incorporated into the band in any way. Hey, come on...this isn't "Archie" and "The Pussycats." Figuring out a way to incorporate Peter and Deana with their lack of discernable talents was hard enough...forget about the four legged fleabags. While the crowd for the show wasn't huge, overall audience response seemed to be good. Thank goodness for small favors...

Stu: "If one more person says I look like Vanilla Ice, I'm going to karate chop them!"
Peter's job at the show was actually two-fold. There was the PR part, which he pretty much flopped at (when you can't get crowds of people to show up even when there's free food and drinks, I don't know what else to call it but a flop), and then there was the most important part of the whole event, the pyrotechnics. Peter didn't actually have any professional experience in the area, but come on...any idiot can can light a firecracker and send it flying, right? Well, Peter was just the idiot to do it too...

Peter: "Stand by for ignition in five...four...three...two..."
Well, maybe a little professional experience would have gone a long way. Any idiot may be able to light up a firecracker, but making it land somewhere where it won't kill or maim anyone seems to be the real trick. Of course, maybe Peter is jealous of Stu's talent and would like to see him and his band out of the picture. Whatever the case, he almost achieved that when his first rocket landed right on the front of the stage. It's a good thing that objects don't usually catch fire outdoors, or the first performance of the "Stu Miller Band" could very well have been the last when all it's members went up in smoke.

Stu: "What the...hey, Peter! Watch it with those things!"
Stu appeared to be a little rattled by the near miss of Peter's exploding rocket. Luckily, Keri was able to swoop in and save the day with a little bit of a guitar solo while Stu was busy regaining his composure. Folks started going up to the stage and dancing, which is more of a response than Stu's singing was getting (eat your heart out, Stu!) Bet Stu won't be booing Keri's playing anymore after this. Actually, he probably still didn't notice what was going on...from the looks of Stu's pose in this picture, it looks like the shock of Peter's rocket might have caused him a little distress in the bladder area...

Stu: "I wonder if anyone will notice if I pee myself right now..."
Well, in the spirit of proving he just can't seem to do anything right, Peter launched some more rockets in the air, and they kept landing frighteningly close to the stage and the audience. Luckily, the fans were either too impressed by the light show or too stupid to know they were in danger, but they didn't seem to be going anywhere. Stu eventually had enough, and abandoned the stage (probably to head to the can before he really did have an accident). The caterer noticed all the commotion, and headed over to see what the heck was going on.

Peter: "I don't know! We must be getting bombed or something...!"
Peter's effort to scare away Stu (if that is, in fact, what he was trying to do) had met with success, and he was quick to reap the "rewards." He quickly hopped up on the stage and prepared to burst into song. Well, Keri and Bobby, seeing that their fearless leader had abandoned ship, quickly dropped their instruments and took off as well, leaving Peter to go solo. By this time, everyone had pretty much headed over to the food, so nobody seemed to notice the changing of the guard. Sorry, Pete, but don't quit your day...oh, wait...never mind...

Peter: "My...endless love...!"
Peter's little unscheduled performance didn't go totally unnoticed, though nobody admitted to having seen or heard it. However, once he ditched the stage, it became a free-for-all. Mama Hick was quick to grab the mic and give it all she had, which wasn't very much. I guess not everyone is cut out to be famous, or at very least, not as a singer or musician. Wow, that's a shocker...Mama Hick totally looks the part of a famous rock star. I'm surprised the fans failed to see it!

JD: "I'm leavin' before I say something that makes her slap me again!"
Meanwhile, the actual band members had all gone inside to discuss the success (or lack thereof) of the performance. Stu didn't seem terribly positive about the experience, and Keri and Bobby argued with each other as usual. Some lady who had shown up for the performance and actually listened to the band play joined them for a piece of cake and to enthusiastically share her views. Wow...an actual fan! And one who probably won't be rooting through your garbage late at night to boot! (well, you never know, actually...)

Fan: "You were even better than Vanilla Ice!"
Eventually, night fell, and the band had long given up any thoughts of an encore (at least for the day). If you think this caused the guests to start leaving, you're wrong. Most of them hung around like they owned the place, and kept hitting the free food and booze mercilessly. The woman in the black shirt with the white stripe just stood in front of the bar downing one drink after another. Yeesh...if you're going to be a shameless freeloader, you've got to at least try to be a little discreet about it.

Striped Shirt Woman: "The heck with it! I'm just takin' the bottle with me!"
As is so often the case, unfortunately, the woman who'd had one too many decided she'd suddenly developed some musical talent, and headed on up to the microphone. She apparently learned nothing from the Peter Miller and Mama Hick performances. The crowd made no secret of their thoughts on her singing...it was so bad that even Mama Hick left. The caterer was nice enough to stand around the stage for a couple minutes, but he was probably just waiting to ask her not to take bottles from the bar anymore. Oh, well...she'll feel like a fool in the morning...

JD: "I'm leavin' before I say something that makes her slap me too!"
The good part about the final unscheduled performance was that it sent folks running for the hills, and things started to wind down (though if someone had thought to send the caterer home early, that probably would have gone a long ways toward solving things much sooner). Once the crowd was gone and the mess was cleaned up and the stage was broken down, things returned to very much the way they'd been before. Hmmm...maybe the "Stu Miller Band" isn't going to be the overnight success Stu had been hoping for. Guess he's just going to have to stick to his solo singing in Studio Town!

Stu: "But I'm a huge rock star...why do I have to do dishes?"
Well, that's the end of the "Stu Miller Band," at least for the moment anyway. Maybe they'll have to give it another go some time down the road...hopefully with a larger and more attentive crowd. It figures that when the family throws a boring party with no theme or real entertainment, everyone in the neighborhood shows up, but when it's the debut of local rock band, just a bunch of freeloaders make the scene. It just goes to show that the life of a star can be cruel without the right connections (and the manager of Cameron's Lounge doesn't count).

Well, as I said before, I don't have any more post material at the moment, and I know for a fact it will be a bit before I'm able to hit the Sims again, but don't despair. I'm not officially declaring the blog closed to updates...just letting you know that if nothing new is here for a while, that's definitely NOT what it means. Take care, everyone, and thanks for dropping by!