The Curse of Bozo

You remember the Millers, right? Wait, don't run off just yet. True, their story was a little bit boring, but it couldn't have been that bad, right? Okay, don't answer (it doesn't matter...I can't hear you anyway).

Well, anyway, as you might expect, life at the Miller house continued to be as uneventful as ever. Lots of people doing nothing a lot of the time. Yes, the only thing really out of the ordinary with the very ordinary family (assuming you consider five adults living under the same roof ordinary) was the little Bozo figurine that had come with the house when the Millers bought it.

The Millers sleep peacefully in the middle of the day, dreaming about a lot of things they don't actually do. The Bozo figurine looks on silently.
Everyone knew the tragic story of Bozo, and how he'd gone crazy from inhaling too many gas fumes during the last days of his circus act. A powerful curse was supposedly attached to all of the dolls made in his likeness, which might have had something to do with why the McGregors left it in the house when they moved (that, or they just didn't care much for clowns). Whatever the reason, there it stayed, untouched during the McGregor residency, and thus far, during the whole time the Millers have lived here.

Well, little does most of the family know that Peter has a long standing obsession with clowns. He's not only one of the rare people who actually finds them funny, but he's also one of the very few individuals who truly appreciates the Tragic Clown painting.

Peter: "Magnificent! Absolutely breathtaking!"
As you might have guessed, Peter was quite taken with the miniature Bozo figurine when the family first moved in, but the rest of the family paid some attention to the realtor's warnings of the ancient clown curse, and it was an unspoken rule that nobody touched the silly thing. Well, Peter started to get sick of hearing, "No, Peter, leave Bozo alone!" or "Back away from the clown!", and so, he started biding his time, waiting for the right moment when the rest of the family would actually be "busy", leaving the doll at his mercy. Strangely, that time did finally arrive, and at that odd moment, when the rest of the family was occupied, Peter decided to make his move.

Peter: "At last! You're mine now, Bozo!"
Before you know it, Peter was doing the unthinkable...playing with the cursed Bozo doll right there on the bedroom floor. Actually, to say he was playing with it is kind of an overstatement. Basically, he just sat there poking and petting the doll, but it was enough to do the trick.

Peter: "Nobody is ever going to take you away from me now, Bozo! Mwahahah!"
Well, much to Peter's disappointment, the clown curse thing turned out to be true. Moments later, instead of the fun miniature figurine, Peter had a full sized, living psychotic clown sitting the floor in front of him. Peter seemed a little unsure of how exactly he was supposed to play with a real clown, and appeared to be a little dumbstruck by the whole situation.

Peter: "Now, how on earth is he supposed to fit back on the bedside table?"
Deana came into the room, just as a full-sized crazy clown went charging past her. Peter pretended not to notice what was going on. He had a habit of playing dumb when it came to stupid things he'd done, and it was a pretty convincing act. However, whether Deana thought Peter had anything to do with it or not, it didn't change the fact that there was still a clown on the loose in the house.

Peter: "Huh? I didn't see any clown. What are you talking about?"
To the horror of the residents, Bozo revealed some sort of strange colorful ray gun, and began incinerating stuff around the house. His first target was the twin blenders in the kitchen. Apparently, there's nothing Bozo hates more than a healthy fruit smoothie. At least he was nice enough to go for objects right under the smoke detector first and foremost.

Now they'll all suffer from lack of Vitamin C! Pure evil genius!
Peter realized he'd done a bad thing, releasing the cursed Bozo upon the Miller house, and quickly went to warn the others. Good thing, too, because the smoke, flames, and blaring smoke detector might not have been enough to alert the family to the fact that something "wasn't quite right".

Peter: "Help! There's a psycho clown with a flame shooting ray gun burning down the joint!"
Hmmm...maybe it wasn't enough, actually. Bozo's next target was the patio, where Stu was working on his painting. He doesn't seem the slightest bit interested in Bozo or the destruction he's causing. That's Stu for you - focus, concentration, and complete lack of concern for anything but what he's doing.

Stu: "You might want to check those burgers. It smells like they're starting to burn!"
The next thing to go was the hot tub...the most frequently used recreational object in the house! Oh, no...now everyone is going to die of boredom! Luckily for Keri, she was getting out of the tub just as Bozo came to do his worst. That's some ray gun...even the water is on fire!

Keri decides that the hot tub just got a little too hot for her tastes.
Bozo didn't seem satisfied with the job he'd done in the kitchen. It just wasn't burning fast enough. However, when he went back to turn up the heat a notch, there was Bobby, making a big fuss over the burning counters and blenders. Give it up, Bobby...you never used them anyway. Bozo seemed annoyed, and turned the ray gun on Bobby, who, thankfully, turned out to be fireproof.

Bobby: "It's a good thing I only wear flame retardant fabrics!"
By this time, the brave neighborhood firefighter found his way to the place, and rushed in to face the ever growing inferno. It was quite the task, since Bozo was running around setting stuff on fire as quickly as the flames were being extinguished, but that's why the SimCity fire department hires only the best!

"Sorry I'm late! I had to get a cat out of a tree!
Well, the battle raged on furiously with the brave fireman trying to keep up with Bozo's destructive pyromania, but alas, it's apparently easier to start a fire than it is to put it out, and Bozo was definitely winning. Before long, it became apparent that the Millers wouldn't be using their dining room for dining any time soon. The fireman did manage to extinguish one of the blenders briefly, though.

Peter and Bobby seem to have totally lost interest in the battle for the fate of their home. Stu, on the other hand, gets right up there where he can be in the way.
Bozo hit a couple other selected objects, then headed to the bedroom, where he proceeded to make sure nobody would be getting any sleep any time soon. Moments later, Bozo shrunk mysteriously into the flames, seemingly unharmed. The curse had apparently run it's course...as far as the clown himself was concerned.

On the up side, that's one less bed to make.
The crazed clown may be gone, but the disaster is far from over...unlike this entry, which has come to an end! Will the family manage to stop the spreading blaze of destruction before they're left with nothing, or will they all be reduced to piles of ash with all of their worldy possessions? Will Peter ever forgive himself for all the trouble he's caused? We'll just have to wait until next time to find out! >:-)