Krappy Birthday, Marty!

As we drop back in on the Wilsons, we find them just having returned home from vacation not too long ago. It just so happens that it's Marty's 30th birthday, and the gang has a huge bash planned for him, no expenses spared (does anyone actually say bash anymore?). Marty pretends to be oblivious to the rest of the group as they discuss putting their plans into action.

"Well, we could go inside the house...or we could stand out here on the curb all day."
Well, the gang heads upstairs, and Kitty kicks things off with a rock n' roll rendition of "Happy Birthday" for Marty (be thankful this site doesn't have sounds to go with it). Everybody seems mildly amused, but they're left wanting better.

"One of these days, she's going to fall off that speaker, and we're all gonna' laugh."
Once Kitty's musical number is over, everyone kind of just sits there. They could at least have put some little cans of Play-Dough or a Slinky on the table to play with to keep things from getting boring.

Marty celebrates his birthday by being confined to a table with Kevin with nothing to do.
Kammy stands behind the bar, ready to either start serving drinks, or drinking herself. Considering nobody has ever needed any help with it before, it's probably the latter. Oh, well. She looks official, anyway. If she ever considers actually getting a career, maybe this would be it.

Kammy: "If anyone wants to get to the booze, they have to go through me first!"
Well, thankfully, the "surprise" part of the party finally starts to take place before everyone dies of boredom. A couple of the "celebrity" guests the family arranged for the party start to show up. Here, we see two of them, Chucko the Clown and Austin Powers (we're assuming he's an impersonator). They were hired as entertainment for the party, but apparently, their idea of entertainment involves standing behind the bar and gossiping about Alfred, the butler.

Chucko: "Did you see that ridiculous suit he was wearing?"
Apparently, "Austin" and Chucko share a mutual dislike of Alfred, who they've known for a full five seconds. Oh, well. I guess great minds think alike.

They wouldn't be talking like that about Alfred if they'd seen the way he smacks the obsessed fan upside the head.
About that time, Frenchy, the Worst Mime in the World (so named because of his habit of talking to everyone), shows up, and expresses his disagreement with Austin's views on Alfred. Apparently, the five seconds that Frenchy has known Alfred have been meaningful ones.

Frenchy: "Don't you DARE talk about Alfred that way, you yellow-toothed, big-haired freak!"
Well, at this point, it became apparent that the celebrity guests trickling in weren't going to be providing a whole lot of entertainment on their own, so the gang went back to doing the whole karaoke thing. Of course, Kitty, being incredibly full of herself, decided to kick things off. About this time, Kandie, the pink gorilla, showed up on the scene. She and Frenchy seemed to really dig Kitty's song, while Chucko stood about indifferently.

"Look, Marty! More costumed freaks to liven up the party!"
Well, at this point, if you were to say that this party couldn't get much worse, you'd probably be right. It's surprising, actually. I mean, how can you have a mime, a clown, an Austin Powers impersonator, and a pink gorilla at your party, and still have it suck? Well, apparently it can be done. The entertainers seem to be the only ones really enjoying themselves, which is kind of ironic. Kammy gave up pretending to tend bar, and Alfred seems to be whispering something to her - probably gossip about Chucko and Austin.

Alfred: "Did you see that ridiculous suit he was wearing?"
Chucko decided he'd done enough talking to Austin about how much he disliked Alfred...and so, he decided to spread his venomous slander to the rest of the party guests. Well, his attempts to spread it to J.D. were unsuccessful, and J.D. wasn't having any of it.

JD: "Who is this guy, the gossip clown?"
Finally, a real celebrity showed up. Sure, it was only Drew Carrey, but at least it was someone people have heard of before, not some crappy clown or talking mime. It seemed like things might finally be looking up, but no...instead of being funny or shaking hands with the guests who'd paid him to be there, Drew hung out in the bathroom with the fake Austin Powers, and gossiped about the Wilsons. Oh, the pain...this party sucks like no other!

Drew: "Did you see that ridiculous outfit she was wearing?"
Well we have to pace ourselves here. The party isn't over yet, but you can only have so much "fun" in one day. Will the party finally start to "un-suck", or will poor Marty's 30th birthday be remembered in infamy for all time to come? Well, there's only one way to find out! See you then!