Marty's Party Drags On

We left off midway through Marty's 30th birthday party, which wasn't going very well. The family had hired several entertainers and "celebrities" to liven up the party, but all they were doing was gossiping about the butler and attacking each other. Let's see if it gets any better, shall we?

To get things back on track, a karaoke competition begins. Kitty is the first one to sing...again. At least everyone seems to be enjoying themselves finally. Best of all, look! Mr T, a celebrity that people have actually heard of, has finally made it to the party! This can only help things, right?

Mr T: "Yo, fool, I'm your biggest fan!"

Marty was so inspired by the performance, that he hugged Kandie the gorilla. Well, Kitty wasn't about to have some hussy steal her boyfriend away, even if it was a person in a pink ape suit. She promptly hopped off the stage and smacked Kandie upside the head.

Kitty: "Keep your filthy paws off Marty, you dirty ape!"

Of course, Kitty wasn't the least bit upset with Marty. It's okay for him to hug the ape, but how dare Kandie stand there and be hugged! Kitty may be a lot of things, but rational isn't really one of them. She proceeds to hug Marty to assure him that things are okay between them.

Mr T looks like he's ready to pounce on Julie. She looks like she's preparing to leap out of the way.

Well, next up in the karaoke competition was Austin Powers (or the Austin impersonator, or whatever he is. Mike Myers we know he ain't). At first, everyone was hoping maybe he would do some Austin impersonating, but no...he was there to sing, and sing he did.

The guests seem to be hinting that they're not entirely enjoying Austin's "performance".

Well, the response was unanimous - Austin had definitely better keep his day job. The crowd decided to repay Austin for the auditory torture by throwing him dirty looks until he wilted in shame.

Austin: "Singing's not my bag, baby!".

Drew Carrey was the next to take the stage. Once again, everyone was initially hopeful that he was going to do some stand up or something remotely related to what he's famous for. Everyone but Chucko, that is, who didn't seem to care what he was up there for.

Don't you at least want to see what he's going to do before you start disliking him?.

Chucko's dislike for Drew was apparently well founded. Drew's singing stunk the place up, and was so bad that even Austin was holding his ears. Kammy didn't seem to mind, but maybe standing behind the speakers protected her from the brunt of the assault.

Careful, there, Drew. You wouldn't want to upset Mr T, would you?

After his lousy performance, Drew had the nerve to ask for his money right then and there. I guess he realized that his contribution to the party thus far hadn't been that well received, and he was running the risk of being dismissed if things got any worse. Mr T and Chucko the Clown started hitting the water from the cooler pretty heavily. Mr T seems to be fascinated with something inside his water cup.

Mr T: "Yo, fool! What's this floating in my cup?"

I guess at this point, with the singing (if you want to call it that) temporarily stopped, the Wilsons decided that the best way to prevent any further karaoke related torture was to keep everyone's mouths full, and the cake seemed to be the best way to do that. Considering it's Marty's birthday, it doesn't seem like a bad idea to actually pay a little attention to the man of the hour. Make a wish, Marty!

Marty: "I wish that all of these crappy entertainers would disappear!"

Well, after the cake was distributed, people kind of went their own ways. The party wasn't really supposed to be over, but it was definitely losing momentum. Marty sat down and had a heart to heart with the clown over a piece of cake.

Marty: "I feel like you're the only one I can really talk to, Chucko."

Even that didn't last long, though. Chucko, being the fickle sort, was off to the video games. Drew Carrey was incredibly amused by this. Funny...for a famous guy, he sure is easily entertained.

It's nice that someone is actually entertained by Chucko's presence.

The rest of the gang apparently gave up on being amused by the celebrities and entertainers, and turned to their own devices. Kevin, Julie, and Marty headed to the bar for a little refreshment, probably hoping to ease the pain of this sub-standard party.

Bottoms up! Kevin drinks some red wine, Julie hits the whiskey, and Marty looks at the Guinness.

Kitty and Mr T were having a heated discussion over by the karaoke stage, probably about who was the bigger star. Considering Mr T's last contribution to the arts was "1-800-COLLECT" commercials, it could actually go either way.

Kitty: "You don't even have a gold star floating above your head!"

Well, it looked like they were getting ready to go at it, but thankfully, that never happened. There may be some question over who the bigger star is, but there's little doubt over who the bigger person is, or who would have the bigger fat lip if a fight broke out. Later, the two were seen resolving their differences with a hug behind the bar. How special...

Kitty: "I didn't mean to call the 'A-Team' a boring piece of crap TV show."

Eventually, the so-called entertainers began to leave, assuming, I guess, that their job was done. Well, since they never actually entertained anyone to begin with (except for when Kandie let herself get smacked, which was pretty funny), there was really no reason for them to stay. Before leaving, though, Chucko stopped to thank Kitty for a wonderful time, and to share his deep admiration for her work as a star.

Kitty: "I wish I could say the same for your work as a clown."

Well, that was pretty much it! Marty's 30th in a nutshell! It will probably go down in history as one of the worst parties ever. Poor Marty, didn't even get a present from anyone. He did avoid getting birthday spankings from his house mates and the celebrity guests, though, so he should probably count his blessings. If I were Marty, I'd start making plans for the other family members' birthdays right now...it could take a long time to plan another party as lame as this one! I guess this will teach the gang to throw any more parties without the "House Party" expansion, eh?