Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tough Luck, Leon

Greetings, everybody. Welcome back to Monkeesims, your number one source for…uh…Monkeesims. So, I mentioned before that there's a countdown of sorts taking place with the Monkeesims site here, and that's still true, truer than ever now I guess. You see, my wife has taken to playing the game again, and we usually share neighborhoods. Well, the problem is she doesn't like "weird" or "ugly" sims. By that, I mean plant sims, werewolves, vampires, servos, or sims with huge noses, cheeks, foreheads, etc. In other words, no "fun" sims. I do like sharing neighborhoods with her, though, and the end result was her ditching Riverblossom Hills to make an entirely new one. So anyway, I've populated the new village with some "normal" families of non-ugly sims now, and transferred the Andrews family and house to the neighborhood. I really don't think the new neighborhood is going to merit any "coverage" so I'm not really gonna try…I'd rather Monkeesims be known for it's weirdness and quirkiness, not it's mundane day to day flavor (ugh).

Our last post was anything but mundane. If you'll recall, the cows finally came home to roost for Leon Jackson, as his ex-girlfriend Debbie Kearney confronted him about ditching her for Claire Redmond. Claire freaked out, unaware that Leon had been seeing Debbie to begin with, and bolted, leaving Leon high and dry at what he thought was supposed to be he and Claire's wedding. Later, Claire met C.U.S.S. agent Reeve Madrox, while passing his headquarters, and fell instantly in love. It was a dangerous romance, because Reeve's mentor and fellow C.U.S.S. agent, Falco Madrox, wasn't about to let a woman distract Reeve from his job. Where we left off, Falco had designed a prison for Claire in an abandoned greenhouse behind the headquarters, and he decided the time was right to lure her in to his trap...

Falco: "Oh Claire! I have a surprise for you!"

Well, Claire was in fact back at the house, and Falco decided to pretend for the time being that he didn't care about her and Reeve being together. Well, Claire didn't find anything strange about Falco calling her out into the dark back yard on a cold winter night, but Reeve sensed something was a little fishy. Even as Claire began to wander down the back steps, Reeve had a moment sort of like at the end of Return of the Jedi where the Emperor is frying Luke with force lightning, while Vader looks back and forth between Luke and the Emperor, deciding who really deserves his loyalty and who deserves to get it. Well, for Reeve, the choice wasn't nearly as tricky as it probably was for ol' Darth. See, Claire is much better looking and a lot less crabby than Falco, and we all know that love always wins out in the end where these things are concerned. And thus, it was Reeve to the rescue…

Reeve: "Stand back, my dear Claire, for it is a heinous trap!"

Yes, at the last moment, Reeve came rushing out, shoved Claire aside (lovingly, of course) and magically locked the door "for all sims", trapping Falco inside his own bogus greenhouse prison. And we're so glad he did, too. Imagine the crappy post we would have had if Reeve had let Claire get locked up and ridden off into the sunset with Falco…then gotten a cape and helmet and…well, you get the picture. Just be glad this isn't my old TS1 neighborhood back when it was polluted with downloaded Star Wars characters and Marvel Superheroes. Anyway, the dastardly scheme was foiled, leaving Falco trapped and out of the way, and allowing Reeve and Claire the opportunity to taunt him by making out right in front of the greenhouse door. Falco couldn't do anything but discuss where his boot was going to travel if he ever got out of the greenhouse. Yes, it may be inescapable, but it's sure not sound proof…

Falco: "I KNEW I should have hooked up cable out here!"

Well, under the influence of Claire's love spell, just what Falco feared would happen to Reeve did indeed happen - he lost interest in being evil, and C.U.S.S. more or less died so long as Falco remained trapped and ineffectual. Just because he didn't feel like being evil anymore didn't mean Reeve was about to go dressing up in sweater vests and loafers, though. One cannot deny the "bitchin" element of dressing in all black, and Claire wasn't about to. Instead, she headed off to the store, and promptly shelled out a bunch of cash to supply herself with an all black wardrobe of her own.

Claire: "Yeah, I'm wearing black underwear. How'd you guess?"

Yes, such a wardrobe is not only fashion conscious, but also makes a ton of sense when the hot summer months roll around. Of course, since this is the weird sim world, summer had already arrived at most of the other lots around town, but it was still cold and snowy at the Madrox house (I'd keep typing C.U.S.S. headquarters, but let's face it, there really is no more C.U.S.S. at this point). Imagine trying to take a walk around a town like that where you have to be prepared for different weather from house to house - my favorite was when Claire was slogging through ankle deep snow in her open-toed shoes. Anyway, while Claire and Reeve were busy making googly eyes at each other, Falco got a chance to test out the oil drum fireplace he'd installed in the greenhouse.

Falco: "I may be trapped in a greenhouse prison, but at least my butt's nice and toasty!"

If you thought things between Reeve and Claire seemed to be moving quickly, you'd be right (although, her initial relationship with Leon Hartman happened just as quickly, but she wasn't seeing anyone else at the time). It will probably come as no surprise that Reeve was already talking marriage once Falco was out of the way, but when you've wasted as much time as he has in the evil business, you really have to make up for lost time. Claire was open to the idea of getting hitched, but there was a small problem - she was engaged to Leon, and that apparently couldn't be overlooked. It DID seem like it might be time to fill Leon in on what had happened since she'd left him at the altar, and so, Claire headed back to Pimp Harbor to talk things over. Well, Leon was less than receptive to the idea of talking things over with Claire.

Leon: "Man, you are one messed up, crazy, chick!"

Sure, it's okay for Leon to date and throw away a thousand women as he sees fit, but once someone tries to end things with him, suddenly they're the scum of the earth. Sure, he and Claire were together for a while, but given the way he kept the whole Debbie thing a secret, Claire's decision to leave him for someone else doesn't seem all that crazy. At any rate, Leon was all too happy to break things off with Claire, and with Debbie currently hating his guts, Leon was once again single without any romantic prospects. Meanwhile, Claire was free to marry Reeve, and wasted no time doing so in a secret ceremony back at the Madrox house (you know, one of those sim weddings with no witnesses or minister that still happen to be binding anyway).

Reeve: "I have chosen a most excellent ring for you, my darling!"

Leon's been dumped before, but not after investing a lot of time in a relationship. Heck, the whole long term commitment thing is pretty new for him, and the fact that he got engaged to Claire to begin with was a huge first for him. The bottom line is that he took the separation pretty hard. The realization that there were other guys out there capable of stealing women away from him knocked him off his pedestal, and he went from being a ladies man to being just a man. A man wearing filthy, ugly clothes with really bad hair. Leon had always been attracted to the bar out on his boat's deck, but suddenly, it became his only form of entertainment. Well, that and running to the bathroom every five seconds to avoid peeing on the deck and making matters worse.

Leon: "And to think of all that time I used to waste bathing!"

One might ask where Moon Dawg and Keri were during this most tragic point in Leon's life. Well, before you go getting all judgmental, remember that Moon Dawg and Keri just got married AND have an alien baby, so they had more important things to worry about than Leon's descent into bumhood as a result of his inability to deal with rejection. For that matter, I think the pair spent most of their time below deck, while Leon was undergoing his transformation topside, so they might not even have noticed. Eventually, the boat itself became too much of a reminder of his time together with Claire and the future he hoped they'd share there (you know, drinking all day and sitting in the hot tub together till they were old and gray). Leon took one of the deck chairs down to the sidewalk, and there he sat and stank...mostly the latter.

Mail Carrier: "Oh, look…some poor old bum washed up on the shore!"

One day, while he was sitting in his chair, enveloped in a cloud of B.O., the mail carrier, Kerrie Bradshaw, came along, and took notice of Leon's sorry state. If you remember way, way back to our first post featuring Leon, he went on a blind date set up for him by the gypsy matchmaker, and the date was with Kerrie. Even though they got along okay at the time, things didn't end all that great on the date, and Leon and Kerrie hadn't seen each other since. Kerrie did have a soft spot for Leon, though, and she decided to brave the cloud of green air around him to give him a hug. Man, that Leon - he gives up showering for days, dresses like a bum, spends all day doing absolutely nothing, and he STILL gets the chicks. Life's just not fair.

Kerrie: "I don't even care that you smell like a regurgitated dead animal!"

Realizing that he'd somehow managed to attract the attention of a lady snapped Leon out of his funk a little. They promptly went up to the boat where Leon cleaned himself up a bit and put on some less disgusting clothes (well, cleaner, I'm not sure if they're more attractive or not). With his hair and clothing returned to more or less their former state, Leon began to regain some of his mojo, and decided to make the most of Kerrie's presence. They talked for a while about a little bit of everything - the weather seemed to be a popular topic. No doubt, Kerrie was explaining to Leon how the sim mail carriers were reliable in rain or shine (although not too terribly reliable, if she's standing around chatting with Leon for hours while she's still got a bag full of letters that haven't been delivered).

Kerrie: "The mail? I pretty much just deliver it when I feel like it..."

Kerrie eventually took off to deliver the rest of the mail, and Leon grabbed a bit to eat and a drink from the bar. About five minutes later, he called Kerrie, who just happened to be home again already. Oddly enough, when she arrived back at the boat, she STILL had a bag full of mail. If you ever wondered why sims only get one letter every few days, this sort of poor work ethic probably explains that - they're all sitting undelivered in the mail carriers' sacks. Leon didn't care about any of that, though, he just wanted to pick things up where he'd left off with Kerrie, and she seemed to have similar things on her mind. After Leon did a little flirting, Kerrie decided to take a bit of a less subtle approach…

Kerrie: "You had me at 'can I buy you a fish sandwich'..."

Well, by that point, Leon was hooked. Sure, he'd just recently gotten out of a somewhat long term relationship that ended very badly, but that was all the more reason for Leon to start a whole new relationship to fill the void (some would use the term "rebound" here, but that seems a bit harsh). At any rate, Leon started calling Kerrie over daily, till it got to the point that the whole calling her up thing seemed like a formality. Leon invited Kerrie to move in with him, and she accepted. While Leon's always loved a woman in uniform (mostly maid uniforms), the mail bag Kerrie carried everywhere with her was a little weird, and just got in the way most of the time. Leon rooted through the dresser on the boat and hooked her up with a pair of Claire's pants and one of Keri's shirts.

Leon: "There's a maid uniform in there too, if you want to try it later!"

After a quick assessment of her without the mail carrier uniform, Leon decided there was a good chance Kerrie might be "the one" (based also, of course, on their previous interactions, not just the fact that he thought she looked better without the bag). Although Leon has only been engaged once, he was used to the idea already, and Kerrie seemed to be pretty "in to him", and so, Leon decided what the heck, he'd give it another shot. Leon took a knee, and before he could second guess what he was doing, he'd proposed to Kerrie. She must have been thinking along the same lines as Leon, because she accepted the proposal. Good move, Leon…if you find a girl who's into you when you haven't showered for days and look like an absolute slob, you'd better hang on to her (unless she ONLY likes you when you haven't showered for days and look like a bum - those types you avoid).

Kerrie: "I love it! But why does it say 'to my dearest Claire'?"

You know, for all the time I've played the gang at Pimp Harbor, I never noticed that Leon's latest girl is named Kerrie, and Moon Dawg's wife is named Keri! Good thing they have last names, although you can see where some confusion could still arise. At any rate, Leon is once more engaged, although under better circumstances, since he's not technically dating anyone else, and Kerrie seemed quite infatuated with him from the get go. As for whether or not Leon and Kerrie will get married, well…there was a time it seemed Leon and Claire had a shot, so we'll just have to see. We'll be giving the Jacksons a break next time, though, as we check in to see what's become of poor Debbie Kearney since her and Leon split once and for all. Stay tuned!


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